Yes, Dogs ARE our Children

I read a headline this week that asked “Are Dogs the New Children?” This is a question that I answered in 2009, and much has been written since about how we really love our companion animals like family. I am not alone. Some surveys indicate that 97% of people consider their dogs (and cats!) full-fledged family members. Some even place their companion animals above human relationships, valuing their companion animals more than any person. 

Some people find fault with this trend, suggesting love of our companion animals is having a negative impact because while the number of companion animals, dogs especially, is increasing, human fertility rates are declining.

In some countries, the number of dogs has increased so much that many homes have more dogs than children. I reported earlier that Americans often spend more on pet products than on human toys or candy. Americans spent $147 billion on pets in 2023, according the American Pet Products Association, and 58 million homes had at least one dog, and 40 million at least one cat. 

While the emotional significance of dogs is clearly rising worldwide, it remains unclear to some what factors are driving this trend. Professor Enikő Kubinyi, head of the Department of Ethology at Eötvös Loránd University (ELTE), has a theory.

You see, a recent Hungarian survey showed that 19% of childless individuals and 10% of existing parents said they valued their dog at least partially more than any human  What could be the reason for this?  Kubinyi’s theory, published in Current Directions in Psychological Science, aims to explain.

“Some say dogs are the new children, while others find this idea outrageous. Some studies suggest that dog owners indeed have more negative views of motherhood, and mothers who own dogs find parenting more burdensome, which could reduce their willingness to have more children. In some cases, dogs may even harm romantic relationships. But that’s only one side of the story.”

One opposing argument that makes some sense to me is that dog ownership might actually increase human fertility rates. “Families with children are more likely to own dogs, and some couples see their pet as a ‘practice child,’ a preparatory step toward starting a family. Women also tend to find men with dogs more attractive, which could increase the chances of fatherhood,” Kubinyi points out.  I do not support the notion of using ‘pets’ for anything, much less as practice children, but accept that according to this view, dog ownership does not replace parenting, but rather complements or precedes it.

I firmly believe, and wrote in my book, that dogs also act as a kind of “social glue,” to which Kubinyi notes, facilitating human relationships, and that dogs play an important role in creating social networks among people.

Kubinyi coined his theory “the companion animal or companion dog runaway theory,” explaining that the popularity of dogs is rooted in “biological evolutionary causes, but it has culturally escalated” or “runaway.”  He adds, “The caregiving instinct and the need for social support are genetically encoded in human behavior, but these drives have shifted toward companion animals because human relationships are often damaged or absent.” Ouch, but true.

Most adults, in fact, (90% in Hungary according to the survey) do not spend “even an hour a week caring for young children.”  He says that many people lack support for childcare duties they do perform and that support networks have “broken down.”

Kubinyi purports, “This is why many people feel they lack support in raising children or that they have no one to care for. Others have experienced emotional pain in human relationships, and dogs provide them with comfort and unconditional love. Our current culture encourages the extension of caregiving instincts toward dogs — humorous memes reflect this trend, pet care businesses are booming, and owners increasingly refer to themselves as their dog’s ‘mom’ or ‘dad.'”  

I agree that our companion animals give unconditional love and comfort. No more so than during Covid isolation have our companion animals shown their capacity to love and support us. According to the Human Animal Bond Research Institute, 87% of pet owners say that they have experienced mental health improvements from their pets.

Dogs can become the most important companions for people in the absence of accepting, supportive human relationships—a role for which the animals are especially suited since they have been embedding in our culture so long that their thinking and behavior has been shaped through life alongside ours. 

Dogs are increasingly regarded as family members, and we have changed them forever, influencing their evolution with breeding that often comes with health problems. Their “cute” characteristics, which I wrote about in my book, trigger an instinctive caregiving response in humans. This further enhances caregiving, and the owner can rightfully feel that someone truly depends on them. I admit that overindulgence and misinterpretation of dogs’ needs can cause behavioral problems in the dogs,  leading to abandonment.

According to Kubinyi, the increase in people wanting companion animals in their lives “suggests that people in Western societies experience a significant lack of caregiving and social support — and they try to compensate for this, at least in part, with dogs and likely cats as well.”

He asserts,”We need to strengthen family-based social support systems and reduce social isolation. Dog ownership is a wonderful thing when it connects people rather than isolates them.”  

Human-animal researcher Hal Herzog sees value in Kubinyi’s work, saying, “The companion animal runaway theory provides an important new perspective on the roles that dogs have come to play in human psychological and social lives.”

Whatever the reason we love dogs, I know they do more to improve our lives than we do to improve theirs.

Citation: Current Directions in Psychological Science; The Link Between Companion Dogs, Human Fertility Rates, and Social Networks 14-Mar-2025